So probably the hardest type of stress to prevent/fix is stress that is emotional in nature.  This comes in many forms: emotional (relationships, work, parents, etc), mental (pressure, friends,), or spiritual (conviction, peers).  It’s hard to effectively correct this type of stress for many reasons but it all boils down to the fact that most of us like to hold on to our emotions and not share them because it is too painful and because we don’t want other people to figure out that we’re not quite as perfect as they originally thought.  Emotions are easier to hide than physical or chemical stressors because you can’t see them on the outside.  They don’t cause bruises or bleeding (normally, ).  But stress from emotional, mental, or spiritual issues has just as much negative impact on the physiology of the body and the function of the nervous system as any other type of stressor.  See a pattern?? I hope you’re getting by now through all of my posts that the body is all connected.  There isn’t one system that if effected doesn’t cause problems with the other systems around it.  Medicine tries to separate every system and treat the symptoms of that system as if it doesn’t affect every other system around it.  Case in point, Cindy’s grandmother just had heart surgery and they were baffled afterwards when she began having kidney problems post-surgery.  You’d think after all these hundreds of years of medicine that they would be finally getting it.  And they are actually, there’s a big movement toward “Mind-Body” science and study.  Larry Dossey is a medical doctor that specializes and has spent years studying the effects of thought and emotion on the body.  What they’re finding is what alternative and natural medicine has been saying all this time: your thoughts and your emotions have a direct and profound effect on the function and health of your body.

So just like with physical stressors or chemical stressors, there are really 2 different types of emotional stress that can effect the body:

Get out of my head!!!!

1. Toxic Emotions: Wow, this one is a topic we could write an entire series on but I’ll try to be shorter with it here.  Toxicity when it comes to your emotions is rooted and begins with your thought life.  What kind of self-talk to you have with yourself.  Do you boost yourself up on a daily basis and reaffirm to yourself that you are an incredible creation of the King?? Or do you tear yourself down and beat yourself up over trivial things and let Satan hammer you with lies and accusations.  But this isn’t all on you, toxic emotions can come from the outside (friends, family, acquaintances) as well.  Hanging around with people who are always negative and running you down will create a toxic emotional build-up that will eventually lead to breakdown in the body and “sickness”.  The crazy thing about the way your mind works is that the people you hang around don’t even have to say negative things TO you for it to effect you.

I’ve talked about this in other posts, but even if you’re standing around them and they start being really negative and mean, your subconscious doesn’t know the difference in what they’re saying for themselves and what you are thinking so it actually begins to thing they are talking about you!! So the whole “pick your friends carefully” is sooooo true because however they act, you will begin to act like them….just a fact.  Another avenue of toxic emotional and mental stressors comes from the things you watch (TV) and listen (radio) to.  This is never more true than with kids.  You have to be diligent about regulating what goes into their bodies via the TV and Ipod/Radio.  Nowadays there’s really nothing holding them back on TV so they put whatever they want on there.  Fifteen years ago we would have freaked out if half of the stuff that is on TV now was in some of our shows (Wow, I sound old saying that!!).  One person said it this way, “The eyes are like windows into the soul of a person”.  I totally agree with that.  And your TV is just a portal to allow anything and everything you want and don’t want into your home and into the minds of your children.  Really watch out for what is on the TV when your kids are around.  Their little brains are still developing so fast that harmful, harsh words or graphic scenes could really effect them negatively.

Some of the biggest toxic emotions I think plaguing us today are: 1. Unforgiveness, 2. Bitterness, 3. Anger, 4. Selfishness.  Don’t these really sum up most of what’s wrong with our emotional state??  Selfishness to me is probably one of the biggest ones because everyone is always out for themselves.  We have created this entire fast food, it’s all about me, giveme giveme giveme society.  I see it more than I like with parents in the office dealing with their kids.  I’ll tell them things that they can do to help their children and I hear, “Well, I would, but that’s the night I play racquetball so that’s not going to happen” or “Yeah, but that would mean getting up a half hour earlier and I just like my sleep”.  I don’t think there are many things that showcase your selfishness to the world quite like being a parent!!  Anger, unforgiveness and then bitterness really go together.  Getting angry with someone and not forgiving them and then allowing yourself to become bitter is devastating to your cardiovascular system and to your adrenal glands.

So what do we do about it?!?

Solution: GET IT OUT!! You have to get these emotions out on the table to allow your body a chance to heal the wounds they have created.  I’m not a big fan of counseling, but that’s an option.  Have someone you can call and vent on instead of your spouse when you are really upset.  If you don’t have anyone, then finding a church you can plug into and having their staff to go to when you need prayer and support is bigger than you know!  Another thing that is probably one of the biggest ways to reduce stress and work through your emotions is journaling.  I try to prayer journal whenever I have something that is emotionally stressing me out.  This helps for several reasons. 1. You get your emotions out on paper.  And don’t be proper about this, just GET IT OUT!!  It’s amazing what kind of clarity comes from working through your thoughts on a piece of paper.  2. You get to read it back to yourself.  Reading is left brain activity which is the side of the brain that reduces stress and anxiety. 3. You get to write it out, which also de-stresses your system neurologically. So I’m a big proponent of journaling.  Blogging is similar, but isn’t private so only blog what you want others to read and share with you.  If you’re afraid what you write might offend someone you love, then either start an anonymous blog no one knows about or stick to journaling.  Regardless of what you do, you need to get your emotions out somehow.

I think one of the most tragic things our culture has taught my generation and the generation or two before me is that is is not ok to cry.  I still see parents do this in the office and I cringe every time they do because it is so detrimental…..one of their children will get upset and start to cry and the instant they start to tear up, the parent gets in their face and very sternly tells them “Stop crying. Big girls/boys don’t cry. If you don’t stop crying we won’t go do XYZ.”  Did you know that crying is what the body uses as a sort of “pressure relief” valve to reduce pressure and tension on the nervous system and to do a “reboot” on your nervous system?? When you stress out and get all worked up, you are using the right side of your brain.  This is the creative side, the anxiety side, the big picture side of the brain.   If your stress levels create enough of an imbalance in the nervous system, your body needs to do something to create balance again.  Crying is LEFT brain activity!! It is a part of the nervous system called the Parasympathetic Nervous System that is responsible for lowering your stress levels in the body.  Hmmm, it’s like God totally knew what he was doing when he created this body!  So please don’t be embarrassed to cry.  It is actually unhealthy not to cry.  So I tell patients every day that if they feel like they need to cry and they are afraid someone will see them, then go in a closet, close the door and cry as long as your body needs to to be able to handle the stress that they are under.  It makes an enormous difference.

So besides toxicity…what else is there?

2. Deficiency Emotional Stressors: So how the heck can you be deficient in emotions and it cause stress and symptoms in the body??? This isn’t so much about what all you’re receiving from the world around you that isn’t good for your system, rather it’s more about what you should be getting from the people in your life that you aren’t getting.  Things like Respect, appreciation, and ultimately LOVE.  It’s amazing the stories I hear of the way some people were raised the the things God has brought them through.  I was very fortunate and blessed to be adopted into a christian home as a baby and be raised by christian parents who loved each other and loved my sister and me.  My mom and dad told us all the time they loved us and that they were proud of us.  I never take for granted the emotional stability I received from my parents, especially my dad.  He always pushed me to be better at everything I ever did and always told me how proud of me he was, even if I didn’t end up in first place at the end of the day.  I say especially my dad because now that I’m a dad myself and have witnessed so many family dynamics over the years, I firmly believe that the emotional strength of the family lies in the hands of the father.  If the father is filling the role he is called to as the head of his family, (not that there are never issues) the emotional health of the family is night and day difference.  It’s like the kids find their identity from their father.  So I am always so careful to constantly affirm Harper and tell him how amazing he is and how much I love him and am proud of him.  I know how much that meant to me when my dad did that for me and I want to pass that on to my son.

But what if you’re situation isn’t that bright?? What if you don’t have the best family situation or are in a really bad place?? Let’s face it, people will always let us down.  They’re only human.  The place I always go back to to comfort me on my tough days and to refuel myself when I’m feeling dry is the knowledge that I serve a God who is always there for me and never leaves me.  Hebrews 13:5 God says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.”  He will always love me and build me up exactly how I need.  All I have to do is ask.  Do you have that same assurance?

I could go on and on about different facets of this topic.  I hope you see how critical emotions and your thoughts are to your overall health.  Everything begins with a thought.  Thought becomes action.  Action becomes habit and then shapes our very being.

Be careful what goes into that brain of yours.  Whatever gets in there….doesn’t come out.

Dr. JB